It took me 16 years to start writing again.
The funny thing is, no one really knew that I used to write in the first place.
It was my safe space.
Somewhere on Blogspot.com, back when everyone was changing their blog layouts, adding dramatic song lyrics and probably committing crimes against font choices. There was a teenage version of me writing about her life.
And she had a lot to say.
I wrote about being a teenager caught somewhere between the chaos of family trauma and this almost stubborn desire to become something more. I was angry. I was hopeful. I was confused. I wanted to escape certain parts of my life so badly, but at the same time, I had this ridiculous belief that one day, I would build a life that felt like mine.
Then life happened.
Sixteen years of it.
I grew up. I worked. I studied. I survived relationships. I lost people. I found people. I lost myself a few times too. I learnt responsibility, heartbreak, grief, independence, faith, disappointment, resilience and all the other things adulthood conveniently forgets to put in the brochure.
And somewhere along the way, I stopped writing.
Not because I decided to.
I just became… operational.
Wake up. Work. Solve problem. Handle crisis. Be responsible. Take care of people. Pay bills. Survive whatever new plot twist life had decided to throw at me that week.
Repeat.
There wasn’t much room to sit down and ask myself, Uma, what are you actually feeling?
So I kept moving through the waves of life.
And oh boy. What a painfully liberating journey it has been.
I don’t think I realised how much of myself had been quietly waiting underneath all that surviving. The girl who loved words never really disappeared. She just got busy becoming the woman she once hoped she would be.
Maybe that is why coming back to writing now feels strangely familiar.
Like returning home after being away for far too long.
Gandalf said it best:
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”
And maybe this is what I want to do with some of mine.
Write.
Not because I have everything figured out. God knows I absolutely do not.
But because I have lived enough now to have stories. Thoughts. Questions. Lessons. Terrible decisions. Good decisions disguised as terrible ones. Existential crises. Faith. Humour. Grief. Growth.
And probably an unreasonable number of opinions.
So here I am.
Back home.
Back to words.
Back to the one place where I can unpack the mind that, for most of my life, I felt no one completely understood.
Maybe you will understand some of it.
Maybe you won’t.
Either way, you’re welcome to stay.
Welcome to my chaotic little corner of the internet.
Welcome to Uma, Lately.
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